


a lot to unpack

by freezerjerky



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: M/M, No Sex, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-20 22:50:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15543903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freezerjerky/pseuds/freezerjerky
Summary: Hermann discovers Newt's special collection.





	a lot to unpack

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic about finding a box of novelty sex toys. So you've been warned.
> 
> Kinda crack fic adjacent.

Hermann had assumed that asking Newt to move in with him would be easy. They’ve been in each other’s heads and saved the world, after all. Surely moving a few boxes and furniture shopping would be no great challenge. It’s been years since Hermann’s had a space that wasn’t completely inundated by Newt and he’s looking forward to the indefinite future of finding band t-shirts shoved into couch cushions and stepping on spare glasses that have somehow made their way to the bedroom floor.

Most things do go smoothly. They find a couch and a very couple-y bed set, complete with enough drawer space to keep their things separate. They even agree on a paint color for the bedroom (a sensibly muted grey). Newt even folds his clothing when he puts them away and finds sensible places for the dishware in the kitchen.

The issue doesn’t come, in fact, until the very end of the moving process, when the boxes arrive. Hermann, always practical, had gotten rid of most possessions that he could not take with him to the Shatterdome. Newt, on the other hand, chose to put a lifetime of items into storage. When the movers arrive with the boxes, they pile them into the guest room for what seems like ages as Newt awkwardly guides them and Hermann stands by dumbfounded that someone can possibly own so many things.

In order to keep the peace in the apartment, Newt agrees to clear out the boxes as quickly as possible. In an afternoon they acquire two new keyboards and an entire box of anime merchandise that someone refuses to part with, but slowly the guest room and office space makes an appearance again. After dinner, they both settle in with the final few boxes, and Hermann is optimistic that he’ll have this done and over with before they go to sleep that night.

The box Hermann’s opening is not particularly large but is marked “Fragile” in Newt’s insistent handwriting. It’s sealed shut with tape, but he easily tears it open, staring down at the contents. Inside are a variety of drawstring bags. Furrowing his brow, Hermann reaches in to pull out one of the bags, opening it and reaching in to pull out the contents. The item in his hand is made out of a not unfamiliar silicone and looks alarmingly like a thick tentacle. He immediately flushes deeply and holds it out towards Newt.

“What exactly is this, Newton?” Hermann asks.

Newt’s face breaks into a grin and he bites his lip, clearly to prevent the laughter from rolling out. “You know what that is, Herms. We have a few of them in the bedside drawer.”

“Not like  _ this, _ ” Hermann hisses. “Is this whole box full of these...specialty items?”

“Well they’re not all tentacles, that’d be weird.” Newt steps over and leans down by the box. “Man, the memories. One time in college I brought this guy home and he went right for David-”

“David?” 

“The werewolf.”

Newt settles down fully on the floor pulls out one of the bags and starts to open it before Hermann can reach out and stop him.

“I beg of you, I don’t need to see any more of these outlandish phalluses,” Hermann explains. He doesn’t usually talk like this about sex or anything related to sex (anymore), but this box has him feeling oddly prudish. He realizes he’s still holding the tentacle then and drops it. “Are these- I mean, have you and  _ David- _ ”

The laugh that escapes Newt is both awkward and very amused. “No. No.” He shakes his head. Hermann, who has been in Newt’s head, is not convinced. “They were on display. Explaining to that guy that they were just for display was the interesting bit.”

“I don’t mind if you like something. That is, I’ll try anything once if you’re keen but I was not expecting this. With all the jokes about you loving-” Hermann’s eyes go wide with the thought. “You don’t have any of these that look like kaiju parts, do you Newton?”

“Erm. I stopped buying them before they started producing them.” Newt rubs the back of his neck sheepish. “I mean widely. There’s one or two. I was curious about the accuracy, honest!”

Hermann pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep breath. He means what he says, there are very few things Newt could like or want to try that would change the way he feels, but it’s still jarring to find a box like this.

“They’re sex toys, darling, I don’t think accuracy was a priority in the creation.”

“Actually, from the diagrams I’ve seen, they’re pretty accurate. This company takes a lot of pride in their work.”

“How did this even happen?” Hermann asks, gesturing to the box and its contents. 

“It was a joke, at first. Just buy one because it was funny because I liked monsters and stuff and then it just felt like a funny thing to keep around. To tell funny stories.”

Newt continues to look adorably sheepish as he talks. He’s far from shy when it comes to talking about anything to do with his sex life, and this still remains true. Still, the blush that tinges Newt’s cheeks makes Hermann wonder if he’s being perfectly honest with him.

“Well,” he says, closing the box again. “If you want to keep them, we can store them, but I’m not putting them on display in our room.”

“You’ve got the teacups in the kitchen,” Newt protests. “And the only people in our room should be us.”

Hermann doesn’t want to control how they decorate their shared space, but there are some lines he has to draw. “I don’t particularly care to see them, to be honest. We do use our bedroom as something other than a sex dungeon, after all.”

“But the other than implies that at least some of the time it is.”

“Okay, compromise.” Hermann looks down, focusing on carefully stretching out his leg. He’s tired and ready to be done with all of these boxes forever. It’s time to settle into their life together, no matter how many weird things, dildos or otherwise, will be part of that life. “If you’re that set on keeping them, you may have two in the bedroom. No other room of the apartment.”

Newt grins and leans over to kiss him soundly for a few long moments. It’s only by Hermann’s strong-willed desire for organization that they pull away.

 

Later that night, Hermann feels the full extent of regret for the decision he made when he opens the drawer, searching for their tube of lube, and discovers that the tentacle and something that he assumes is David have made their way into the bedside drawer. Rather than answer, he rolls over and immediately pulls the blankets over his head.

Within moments, a very amused Newt joins him under the blanket and covers him in kisses, which almost makes up for the unpleasant surprise.

“I like the face you make when you’re trying not to be a tiny bit prudish about something,” Newt explains, kissing his neck softly. “I couldn’t help myself.”

“When I said in the bedroom I did not mean with the actual sex toys.” Hermann’s fully aware that what he’s doing constitutes as pouting.

“About that. When you say actual-”

“Newton. I don’t want to know tonight. This is enough of a shock to my delicate sensibilities.”

Newt nips at his earlobe and then tugs gently on it. “I’ll be kinder to your...sensibilities tonight.”

Hermann finally pulls the covers away and ventures back into the drawer. He supposes, if nothing else, it’s nice to know that domestic life will continue to have its surprises.

**Author's Note:**

> The Werewolf Dildo from Bad Dragon is, in fact, named David. This is knowledge I have thanks to a dear friend.
> 
> I will never, as the author of this fic, confirm nor deny the true purpose of the dildos. You cannot make me.
> 
> I'm on tumblr at [pendragoff](http://pendragoff.tumblr.com) and twitter at [newtguzzler](http://twitter.com/newtguzzler)


End file.
